


Designated Gossiper

by fragilecapricornpanic



Series: PRE-WRITTEN, Pre-Canon Sibling Encounters [84]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Allison Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Canon Compliant, Diego Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Diego Hargreeves is Bad at Feelings, Domestic Fluff, Everyone Needs A Hug, Extra-Ordinary: My Life as Number Seven, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Good Sibling Allison Hargreeves, Humor, One Shot, One Shot Collection, POV Alternating, Parent Allison Hargreeves, Pre-Canon, Vanya Hargreeves Deserves Better, Vanya Hargreeves Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:14:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27273265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilecapricornpanic/pseuds/fragilecapricornpanic
Summary: “Please don’t be about the book.” Allison chanted under her breath as she picked up the phone.“Have you read it?” her brother bluntly questioned as soon as she held the phone to her ear. “Hello to you too, Diego.” she passive aggressively greeted, annoyed that it was in fact about the book. “Hello, Allison Hargreeves. It’s a privilege to speak to one of the Hollywood elite.” her brother replied with much the same attitude, except worse.
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Diego Hargreeves
Series: PRE-WRITTEN, Pre-Canon Sibling Encounters [84]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1869709
Comments: 3
Kudos: 52





	Designated Gossiper

**Author's Note:**

> If u can’t tell from my other fics I love Vanya, no hate to her lol. These are just from the characters view points so their thoughts are written in character.

“Please don’t be about the book, please don’t be about the book, please don’t be about the book.” Allison chanted under her breath as she apprehensively picked up the phone. The press wouldn’t stop hounding her, wanting statement after statement. Interview after interview. Would it be like this forever, or would it die down eventually? She prayed it was the latter.

“Have you read it?” her brother bluntly questioned as soon as she held the phone to her ear. “Hello to you too, Diego.” she passive aggressively greeted, annoyed that it was in fact about the book. Of course it was. “Hello, Allison Hargreeves. It’s a privilege to speak to one of the Hollywood elite.” her brother replied with much the same snarky attitude, except worse. He needed some manners rumoring into him. If it works for Claire, it should work for a man-child too. “I haven’t read it _all_ yet, since I have actual responsibilities.” Allison snidely explained, desperate to not have to talk about the contents of the memoir. The shame and fury was overbearing.

Pfft, responsibilities... “Sorry, I guess I forgot how hard work it is to rumor people into your every dema-“

Suddenly Diego found himself stood in front of the phone that was now firmly hung up. She’d simply proven his point about solving everything with rumors. He needed a goddamn spotter just to speak to the woman. Beginning to punch the number in again, since he was very keen to discuss the book with Allison, he discovered he no longer knew his sister’s contact details. All he could remember was the area code. Why was Allison so petty in her rumors? He couldn’t even pick which sister he disliked the most. “Jokes on you...” Starting to search through his junk drawer, Diego was glad he’d previously anticipated this rumor and written the number down. It was a surprise Allison had yet to do this, all things considered.

“Damn it.” Allison hissed when the phone began to ring again. She should’ve rumored him into destroying any copies of the number. That was a stupid oversight. “I don’t want to talk about the book!” she sternly stated once she’d answered. Even thinking about the memoir was making Allison stressed, she already had to talk about it endlessly every day. It was like the press just couldn’t get enough of this drama. Couldn’t the Kardashians just do something stupid to distract them?

“I need to talk about it with _somebody_.” Diego whined like a stroppy teenager. Why was Allison his designated gossiper? “Then talk to Klaus.” Allison suggested curtly, staring at her own copy of the shit-stirring book. She wished she could rumor paper and ink. “How could you even suggest that?!” Diego snapped incredulously, which was impossible for Allison not to snort at. “Okay, fair point.” she placated, turning away from the memoir so she didn’t have to be physically confronted by it. “Talk to your girlfriend.” Allison made her alternative proposal, feeling dangerously close to rumoring Diego again to leave her alone.

At least if she was on the phone with Diego, the press or PR couldn’t bug her. That was one silver lining. “We broke up.” her brother grumpily admitted. Despite barely talking to Diego these days, even Allison knew how inconstant those two were. “I’m happy for her. She deserves better.” Allison teased, knowing Diego wouldn’t actually be offended. He was just as mean as her. “Well we can’t all rumor our way into love.” he drawled with an unreal level of smugness. Asshole. It was infuriating that he could always tell what Allison had rumored into existence. Even Patrick didn’t realise his own love wasn’t genuine. Thankfully. It better stay that way. “Fine. Complain.” she agreed through gritted teeth, assuming her brother would take his anger out on something or someone else if he couldn’t vent to her. 

“Did she have to bring up Ben? He can’t give his side.” her brother bitterly began his ranting. They seemed to agree on that opinion, which wasn’t something they did very often. Perhaps the book had united them in one sense. “Do you think he would be mad?...” Allison questioned tentatively, wondering how their deceased brother would’ve reacted. He’d been dead for so long now that it was hard to imagine how Ben would’ve processed this. Would he have felt betrayed like they did? If only one of the siblings were able to commune with the dead... they could actually ask Ben himself. “How would I know? He’s dead.” Diego rudely responded. Allison rolled her eyes, relieved she lived on the other side of the country from this sass.

No wonder Vanya wrote that thing, being in such close proximity to their brothers. “Yeah, I think he’d be mad...” Diego muttered once he’d gotten the catty comment out of his system. “At least she didn’t say how he died.” Allison supposed, not wanting the entire world to know the intimate details of his grizzly death. It had been profoundly traumatic for them all; mentally scarring in a way that could never be healed. Vanya was extremely lucky to have missed that. She probably didn’t see it that way though.

Peering down at his tattoo with disdain, Diego once again found himself growing enraged about Vanya trying to get sympathy for not having one. “And the goddamn tattoos...” he grumbled, harshly yanking his sleeve down so he didn’t have to look at the monstrous reminder of their horrible youth. “She felt left out, I guess.” Allison audaciously defended Vanya, like she hadn’t been sobbing like a baby when she’d been forced to get hers.

“I wish _I_ was left out!” Diego aggressively flipped a knife through the air, slickly catching it when it spun back at him. “I know you do.” his sister glumly murmured, embarrassingly knowing how much it permanently effected Diego. Practically as permanent as the ink. “I can’t even get it covered up.” Just thinking about the needles involved in that process was making his hair stand on end. “Dad got away with so much bullshit.” Allison aggrievedly complained. “You can say that again.” Why the hell did nobody grow concerned about their welfare? Ben came out of their first mission soaked in blood. At thirteen. “Dad got away with so much bullshit.” his sister playfully took his last statement literally. Diego wasn’t even going to comment on how appalling that so called joke of Allison’s was.

Tough crowd. Glancing back over to the book, Allison frowned at the depressive picture of Vanya on the cover. Vanya just looked so sad. Allison was so furious at her sister, and deeply hurt - but she couldn’t help but feel immense remorse. “Do you feel bad?... for how we treated her.” Apparently they’d been unbelievably cruel, which was something Allison truly hadn’t been aware of. She wasn’t sure if Vanya’s account was just distorted with bitterness, or if Allison just had her head buried in the sand. It was likely the truth rested somewhere in the middle. Accepting herself as a narcissist was difficult, and it was hard to know if that personality trait was clouding her better judgement. Had she really been too self-obsessed to notice Vanya’s sheer and utter isolation? “That doesn’t matter. She still shouldn’t have done it.” her brother quite obviously deflected, which strongly implied he also felt guilty.

The distinctive sound of a blade flying through the air was sort of soothing for Allison. “Was it all true?” Allison wondered aloud, still unsure if her own memories of events were fair. How much of everything she recalled was subjective? “Again, how the hell would I know? I’m not all seven of us.” her brother brashly answered. It wasn’t a surprise that they’d broken up. It was without a doubt his girlfriend who ended things. Attagirl. Allison felt inclined to rumor him into throwing something at his own crotch.“You’re charming, have you considered becoming an inspirational speaker? Maybe working for a suicide hotline?”

“Ow, my sides.” Diego deadpanned, apparently finding her quip utterly unfunny. Allison would bet a great deal of money on him actually currently having a smirk on his face. Why did he even bother trying to act broody? He was terrible at hiding his amusement. “Part of me feels guilty.” Allison mumbled solemnly, hoping she hadn’t been truly as neglectful as Vanya had made out. For Claire’s sake as well as her’s. The line went eerily silent. “Is it just me, or did she make Five sound kinda _nice?_ ” Allison tried to change the subject from emotions, since Diego was incapable of discussing them.

Their missing brother was many things, but one of those descriptors certainly wouldn’t be nice. Five loved his family so much that it was almost a hinderance, but he was also unspeakably arrogant and blunt. “I know, right? That kid was _mean_. He made me cry a few times.” Diego chuckled nostalgically. Him actually addressing his feelings made Allison throw her head back slightly in disbelief. That was unexpected. How much had this book gotten under his skin? Allison had never seen Diego cry, even when they’d witnessed Ben be torn to shreds. “Does Claire know about the book?” her brother quickly asked after clearing his throat, bashful about his confession of childhood crying.

“Not anymore.” Allison sniggered, having rumored Claire into forgetting her discovery several times. It was better for her to be ignorant to this whole mess. Auntie Vanya was practically an exciting myth to Claire, it would be cruel to spoil it. All of this animosity would be no good for a child of her age to be aware of, Allison was just doing her a favor. “Christ, that kid’s gonna have some _serious_ issues when she grows up.” Diego cuttingly remarked, something Allison would’ve smacked him for if they were in person.

Again?! Really?! Diego abruptly found he’d not only forgotten his sister’s number, but he’d also ripped the note to illegible pieces. Now Diego was going to have to call Pogo and get it from him the next time he needed Allison, which was a pain in the ass. He noticed the phone was still off the hook, which Allison had likely done to gloat about her revenge. Placing the receiver back to his ear, Diego wished he could throw something down the phone line. It wasn’t fair that _her_ power could travel that way. “Maybe Vanya got some things right.” he referred to their sister completely exposing Allison’s reliance on her power.

“Bye Diego, tell Eudora I say hi. Oh wait. You can’t.” The line went dead. Whatever, this had still been better than talking to Klaus.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written before season 2, and the bit at the start was almost word for word the “can’t say hi to your sister?” line so I had to rewrite that lmfaoooo


End file.
